FIRST Check-up

We’re ready.

This is part of the deal…. part of life after a cancer diagnosis.

We’re ready to patiently sit in the exam room, post scans, and to wait for my doc to appear.

I am confident she will enter the room with a smile, followed by great news. 

My Mama, Tommy and I will let out a sigh of relief, hug, and head out to celebrate.

This is truly what I feel in my heart will happen.

But those butterflies… that freaking touch of nervousness… admittedly it’s here now just thinking about it. 

I’ve been surprised before. I’m not sure if that feeling ever completely goes away.

But to be entirely honest, I am finding that I have such deep gratitude for those damn butterflies… I’ve recognized those occasional flutters are my friend.

They are keeping me grounded, keeping me focused… helping me to live in the moment, to be deeply grateful for all the little things, ALL the incredible people in my life…

Helping me to greet each day as a BONUS… forcing me stay TRUE to who I am.

Tommy told me just what I needed to hear.  When I told him I was starting to feel a little trepidation about the check-up, he said something that immediately made me feel free as a bird. 

I explained to him that within my journey toward WELLNESS, that there is still so much to learn…. and the more I learn, the more I realize there is still much to learn… so much I WANT to learn, so much that I would LOVE to share with others that could impact their lives… and I hope that what we are doing is enough to keep the bastard away. 

I told him how important it is for him to know I am doing ALL I can, all that is within my influence, to BE here for him, and for Joanna.

He created a powerful vision in my mind, my new go-to vision whenever those butterflies try to make a presence. 

He started with a football analogy…. (what else would one expect from a coach?)

He started to tell me how easy it is for players to get their nerves up toward the end of a close game. He said a little nervousness is good because it can make us do better… but we won’t let it get to us because WE HAVEN’T LOST… we are still winning.

Thankfully, he turned it into a running analogy and spoke my language:

I’m running through the woods on a winding trail… tall green trees all around, and the sunlight thrusting through.  All the trees and curves ahead symbolize all I have left to learn about being “well”, and all that I am moving towards, one tree at a time. 

And somewhere behind, somewhere lurking in the dark forest FAR behind me, is the cancer.  It hasn’t caught me.  I haven’t lost.  Actually, I am winning.

We are AHEAD of the cancer. 

It hasn’t caught up with me, and it’s not going to.  With what we have learned, with what we have put into action, with all we feel in our hearts... that cancer is WAY back there, and continually getting further and further behind...

I truly feel this.  And when I merge this visualization into my reality, a sense of warmth and ease blankets my whole body.  

First check-up and results:  Wed. Nov 30^th, 3 PM.

Deepest of gratitude for YOU… and for your love, support, positive energy and prayers. 

Love,

Angela

*Butterfly photo by Jessica Stenklyft
*Jo and I photo by Corrine Smith